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@msleamichele But first.. Let me take a selfie. lol

(Source: tomousik)

guys. and gals. I feel like I haven’t written on here in forever and that would be because I haven’t so I’m just gonna pop some stuff down real quick.

FIRST of all.. I went to Milwaukee with my mom to visit potential roommates and it was pretty awesome. The sad part is, the biggest reason I want to live with them is because they WANT a cat.. I’ve talked to some other pretty cool people but all those people are either allergic, or “dog” people. screw that. I mean there are also a ton of other positives about these people so I’m pretty excited. If I could just get a job taken care of and out of the way I’d have no worries.. except that I had the weirdest dream about these potential roomies. like seriously so weird and out of nowhere. basically one of them was into witchcraft and she decided to send a bunch of people out to get me and one of these people could travel really fast and were coming to get me from Africa and were gonna get there in like a few hours and there were other scary people and she was so mean about it and I remember in the dream I freaked out and kept checking my email and frantically emailing other people in Milwaukee that had inquired about living with me hoping they still wanted to live with me. and then i woke up and it was 530 am and i was like cool i have to get up in an hour. I think this stems from my previous terrible roommate experiences and I’m projecting that onto these new people.

speaking of Africa.. Lucas leaves in two months and he just decided now would be a GREAT time to tell me that he would have totally dated me and he wants to make out with me (so we did make out). it’s just so weird. this is why i need to grow the balls to get a therapist. because this is something i want professional insight on. we have been friends for like over two years now i mean we haven’t even really hung out that much but i think thats cause i always sensed he kind of liked me but i never knew and i was always half hung up on brian. but everytime we did hang out i always had fun we could always talk for hours and i always felt like special and pretty and funny and important. but i was always like oh lucas he’s just a friend even though he’d buy me drinks, open my car door for me, scrape snow off my car and be an overall complete gentleman. but i was like LUCAS is SHORT. because he is he’s probably like an inch shorter than me? and it’s not like brian where brian was short but he was big i mean at first he was just built/muscular then he got fat (cool) but lucas is like.. petite? thats a feminine word but it’s true. so i was always like no. especially now that i’ve gained some weight i’m like gross i could probably beat him up if i really wanted to. so idk i’m just weirded out. why do the short guys always go for me? am i ugly? i’ve never thought i was. do i have some weird scent that attracts only short men? i mean i’m not even that tall! how hard is it for a guy to be like TWO inches taller than me? is that asking a lot? most of my friends think i’m stupid and weird for thinking height is a deal breaker but guess what? all my friends are at least 4-5 inches shorter than i am! so screw you all. jk. but my good friend jennifer made a really good point because i was complaining about lucas and his heigth and she was basically like girl you can’t let society decide for you what you want if you like lucas and you feel special around him and he makes you happy then in that sense it’s ok to like him as more than a friend. even though i’m stuck and i cant really date him. because he’s going to god damn africa. i’ll just end on this note. making out w him was like 100 % better than expected i just didn’t think i’d be that attracted to him in that way. BUT I WAS. is it because he’s leaving? he’s “unattainable”? or is it because he’s short and god wants me to be with a shortie? heck if i know.

so  my car had to get fixed again and this time it was THREE HUNDRED AND FIFTY DOLLARS. like are you fucking kidding me? who in my past is karmically trying to bring me down? i swear to god. and on that same day i had to buy a 150 dollar book for a god damn three week class. and i have to pay 367 for an apartment I DONT LIVE IN. does anyone feel bad for me yet? i should be a tad more grateful i mean when i was sick my mom made me chicken soup and got me gatorade, and emergenC, and a bunch of medicine, and apple cider and cheerios and my dad got me ginger ale. 

so i guess…. it evens out. i’m still annoyed tho.

weteevee:

I don’t friend zone prople, I relationship zone them. You wanna be my friend? Too bad, we’re dating.

i cannot believe i got sick during christmas! who does that? apparently more people than i thought but still how shitty. i did get to go to christmas eve with my family and lucky for me(not really) we didnt actually do anything christmas day so i didnt miss anything while i was sleeping the day away. except the crab dinner my mom made.. psh. im glad i didnt try to eat it because that would not have been pleasant during last night when i was puking every hour on the hour. but still.. that went away and now i’m just resting and i do feel better. i hope that feeling doesnt go away tho.. what if its just the calm before the storm? and i actually have bronchitis and i wont be better by mexico? or what if i have cancer or something and this is just a symptom? what is wrong w me!! :((((

woah… 

game changer people.

ok so i just have to get this out there. so i just started talking to this guy and i havent met him yet. tall dark and handsome (six feet to be exact), hes 27, hes a teacher and he owns a house. on top of being a teacher he’s the head basketball coach, he helps out with football and wresting and also helps out in the library and with the science club (because he’s a science teacher) and so we’re just talking and the whole time i’m like what the fuck is wrong with this guy?! i mean i don’t even know why i think this. one reason i think may be because he’s being very formal and maybe it’s because he IS a teacher? but some of the things he says/ the way he words things is weird. for example today at work i got  done with my stuff at around 9:50 and i was closing with my manager (so i couldnt act pissed about wanting to leave) and he’s the slowest person ever so i literally didn’t get out of there until 10:30 and so i told him this (ok this guys name is bill/ actually it’s william and i think that’s weird too.. i’m weird) but he goes well you sound positive and patient about it :) and i was like haha i probably look annoyed and he goes you’re cute seriously and i was like aw why? and he goes you’re just being adorable because you want to go home and you are articulating it nicely and laughing about it

now he may just be saying stuff so weirdly cause he’s used to talking to teenagers and younger kids but i can’t figure him out. he also says he’s not into a lot of drinking just casually (which is how i am ) but yet i think its weird.. i dont know! i keep wanting to ask him if he’s real.. or if he’s a serial killer.. or if he’s trying to set me up. why can’t i just believe him? 

hes also being very straight forward about how he wants a relationship out of a girl and how hes looking for long term and how he’s not getting any younger and i mean that’s all true.. right!? and hes definitely not like damn girl i want you to be my wife and have my kids let’s get married tomorrow or ANYTHING like that.. 

he’s just being so nice. he also said that in a relationship he’s more likely to give than to take. like what? what is that? i’m so used to giving and receiving SO little and truly i think that’s my issue. i’m used to an ex bf who worked in a god damn cheese factory…

i deserve an intelligent man in my life that actually WANTS to do things for me. so i should meet him. 

i want a knight in shining armour to save me.

thats pathetic.

why does the only thing that’s cool have to be going out to bars and getting wasted? why does it have to be considered lame to not want to do that all the fucking time? i’m just so pissed off it’s making me mad at everyone.

last night I was thinking about how everyone always says these are supposed to be the best years of our life. but for me it’s not. I don’t know if i’m doing it to myself or it just is how it is but this is not a fun time. I don’t have time or money to go out and party and get wasted every weekend and even if I did… is that supposed to be the definition of fun for me? im turning into a woman and my body is changing and whether I like it or not I have to accept it and HOPE these dumb ass boys will accept it. I have to live up to a lot of set standards of how I should be how I should act and what I should look like. I’m a woman and I live in a man’s world. but boys.. I think this is their time of life. they have a blast. I think the time that they are miserable (or going through changes) is when they have a family and feel pressure to provide for a wife and children. genius right? I feel pressure now.. guys feel it when they are older.

maybe not but it makes sense. how do we EVER find someone to learn to deal with our shit while we deal with theirs? how am I ever supposed to find a guy that will just FIT w me? I always feel like i’m sacrificing something or trying to change another thing. gah. idk.