guys. and gals. I feel like I haven’t written on here in forever and that would be because I haven’t so I’m just gonna pop some stuff down real quick.
FIRST of all.. I went to Milwaukee with my mom to visit potential roommates and it was pretty awesome. The sad part is, the biggest reason I want to live with them is because they WANT a cat.. I’ve talked to some other pretty cool people but all those people are either allergic, or “dog” people. screw that. I mean there are also a ton of other positives about these people so I’m pretty excited. If I could just get a job taken care of and out of the way I’d have no worries.. except that I had the weirdest dream about these potential roomies. like seriously so weird and out of nowhere. basically one of them was into witchcraft and she decided to send a bunch of people out to get me and one of these people could travel really fast and were coming to get me from Africa and were gonna get there in like a few hours and there were other scary people and she was so mean about it and I remember in the dream I freaked out and kept checking my email and frantically emailing other people in Milwaukee that had inquired about living with me hoping they still wanted to live with me. and then i woke up and it was 530 am and i was like cool i have to get up in an hour. I think this stems from my previous terrible roommate experiences and I’m projecting that onto these new people.
speaking of Africa.. Lucas leaves in two months and he just decided now would be a GREAT time to tell me that he would have totally dated me and he wants to make out with me (so we did make out). it’s just so weird. this is why i need to grow the balls to get a therapist. because this is something i want professional insight on. we have been friends for like over two years now i mean we haven’t even really hung out that much but i think thats cause i always sensed he kind of liked me but i never knew and i was always half hung up on brian. but everytime we did hang out i always had fun we could always talk for hours and i always felt like special and pretty and funny and important. but i was always like oh lucas he’s just a friend even though he’d buy me drinks, open my car door for me, scrape snow off my car and be an overall complete gentleman. but i was like LUCAS is SHORT. because he is he’s probably like an inch shorter than me? and it’s not like brian where brian was short but he was big i mean at first he was just built/muscular then he got fat (cool) but lucas is like.. petite? thats a feminine word but it’s true. so i was always like no. especially now that i’ve gained some weight i’m like gross i could probably beat him up if i really wanted to. so idk i’m just weirded out. why do the short guys always go for me? am i ugly? i’ve never thought i was. do i have some weird scent that attracts only short men? i mean i’m not even that tall! how hard is it for a guy to be like TWO inches taller than me? is that asking a lot? most of my friends think i’m stupid and weird for thinking height is a deal breaker but guess what? all my friends are at least 4-5 inches shorter than i am! so screw you all. jk. but my good friend jennifer made a really good point because i was complaining about lucas and his heigth and she was basically like girl you can’t let society decide for you what you want if you like lucas and you feel special around him and he makes you happy then in that sense it’s ok to like him as more than a friend. even though i’m stuck and i cant really date him. because he’s going to god damn africa. i’ll just end on this note. making out w him was like 100 % better than expected i just didn’t think i’d be that attracted to him in that way. BUT I WAS. is it because he’s leaving? he’s “unattainable”? or is it because he’s short and god wants me to be with a shortie? heck if i know.